Find your Connection - How I Found Healing through Connection & Why You Need to Connect Too
I LOVE yoga!
I am not sure you heard me…I LOVE yoga…like, with my whole actual heart!. Yoga saved me from a very dark place… more than a few times. Most recently, it was during my last pregnancy with my sweet little perfect girl, V. I had a crazy tough time during this pregnancy and was, mentally, all over the place. People, I was a walking disaster! I had signed up for an amazing 200hr Yoga Teacher Training, and was not exactly thrilled when I found out that I was going to go through this 6 month long training pregnant.
My group met together once a month for a long weekend, and it wasn’t until the last day of the second weekend when I had to spill my secret. It kinda jumped out of my mouth. We had been talking about stories, how the stories that we tell ourselves are simply how we see them….that’s all. We make up our own stories based on our reactions to different events that are going on with our lives. The story that I had told myself was that this little change in my life’s direction was a disaster. I had been telling myself all of the things that will be difficult and challenging, but hadn’t stopped to tell myself how amazing it will be.
When I shared this with my group, I was met with nothing but love, compassion and understanding. This is something that really could have offended so many people, but they listened. Several of them shared with me that the moment that I opened up to everyone, my entire demeanor changed. They told me that they could actually see the weight being lifted off of my shoulders.
Up until that point…every meditation, every savasana ended in tears, and not always the happy kind. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I wasn’t ready to handle the joy that they shared. When I told everyone in my yoga circle, they understood me and gave me the space and the support that I needed to heal in my own way. Meditation became something that connected me to the sweet little spirit that was growing inside of me. The 8 limbs of yoga spoke differently to me. I moved with more intention than I ever had before.
Obviously, now I am obsessed with my little girl…like, completely obsessed…we all are. She was with me during my most intense emotional journey that I have ever been on. She was with me as I was trying to make choices that would impact my life forever. She is with me and my family now as we are navigating this crazy journey of life, and I already feel her strength.
Connection is what I needed early on, and I didn’t want to open up so I could feel it. I needed connection to my baby, to other individuals and to my family. This dark place made me want to climb further into that dark place because I didn’t like the look of the light at that time. I had shut off my emotions and wasn’t a good wife or mom for a while.
Sometimes, it takes a lot for me to feel comfortable opening up to people. When I was pregnant, I would either say nothing at all…or have some random word-vomit and share more than the recipient was ready to hear!
During my first pregnancy, I found a beautiful prenatal yoga class that was taught by a doula. She was so great and allowed us time during each class to connect with each other, whether it was with words, partner poses, or simply by being in the same space as each other. That brief time was vital to our confidence and compassion towards each other. I mean, who better to understand a crazy pregnant lady than another crazy pregnant lady?! This was a beautiful space where we all understand that things are a bit nutty right now and might not be going the way that we had pictured our whole lives, but that was ok. We are strong and can handle whatever is thrown at us…and more importantly, there are others who have our backs when we need it.
We all need a place like that. A place that we can go to when we need to feel like ourselves again. A place where we are met with love and understanding. A place that has no room for judgement, only healing. For me, that place was yoga. Yoga helps me connect with myself, my family and my community. I am a part of other groups that have certainly helped me connect to fantastic people, but my point is that we need to find that connection. It is something that we have to actively seek and be participants in…not observers. We need to put in the effort.
Where do you find your connection? Who do you seek out when you need help? Who can you call if you need to talk?
I am here for you!
Sending all of my love and good vibes your way!